It’s December and you know what that means, right? Black Friday riots at retail stores around the country as shoppers maul each other in a death race to get their hands on those limited supply items. And what’s the perfect music for Black Friday? That’s right, Heavy Metal! Thrash Metal! Death Metal! In other words, the devil’s music.
I was fortunate to grow up during the glorious dawn of Metal and you can still find “Reign in Blood”, “Doomsday for the Deceiver” and “Left Hand Path” on my iPod. So with that in mind, we bring you yet another list of kick-ass holiday gifts for the Metalhead in your life (check out last year’s list HERE). And the good news? You won’t need to smash some old lady in the face with your elbow or trample fallen children at 5:00am at some Walmart to get them – they’re all available online. Rock on? Oh. yes.
METALLICA SCARY REINDEER HOLIDAY SWEATER
Inspired by the band’s best album (you heard right), this holiday sweater designed by Tony Squindo is made of 50% wool 50% acrylic and will have any Metallica fan calling you “Master!”
What better way to listen to Motörhead (or any of your other favorite bands) than with a pair of Motörheadphönes? Unlike Dr. Dre’s Beats Audio headphones, these particular headphones were made especially for rock n’ roll. A great gift for any Motörheadbanger in your family or circle of friends.
Traditional greeting cards can be quite lame, yes? Well, Dark & Somber Greetings will make the Black Metal lover in your life eschew e-mail and start buying stamps at the post office, eager to send birthday cards or a holiday message to their friends, family or one of their patron demons. Photographer Courtney Frystak and designer/musician Farron Loathing use traditional Black Metal photography to create these ghastly greeting cards that will delight even the most black-hearted misanthropic creature. And with inscriptions like “It Is Time To Celebrate the Quickening of Your Death” and “If I Had a Heart I Would Give It To You”, how can you go wrong?
SLAYER “EAGLES AND SWORDS CHRISTMAS JUMPER”
Not to be outdone by Metallica, Slayer offers up this unique jumper made of 100% acrylic which will have any Slayer fan thinking that maybe God really doesn’t hate us all…
What Metalhead doesn’t like beer? Well, guess who will be the envy of all at the next Christmas party and/or barbecue? The guy/gal holding Iron Maiden’s premium British beer – that’s who! Inspired by “The Trooper”, the band’s 9th single released in 1983, this golden ale is not yet available to be shipped to the US but they’re working on it so keep checking back…
METAL GUITAR WITH ALEXI LAIHO OF CHILDREN OF BODOM
When it comes to air guitar, I can go “mano-a-mano” with just about anyone. Alas, I never became the long-haired guitar god I wanted to be. This dvd, however, is jam-packed with over 2 hours of lessons and features Alexi Laiho, the highly acclaimed guitarist and frontman of metal band Children of Bodom. It’s too late for me but this dvd will challenge the wannabe lead guitarist in your life to expand his/her guitar mastery.
HELLBENT FOR COOKING: THE HEAVY METAL COOKBOOK
Annick “The Morbid Chef” Giroux declares war on junk food with a delicious collection of favorite recipes by heavy metal bands from around the globe. With contributions from Judas Priest, Sepultura, Kreator, Exciter, Gorgoroth and several dozen others, this recipe book covers appetizer, breakfast, lunch, dinner, vegetarian, seafood, dessert, and drink recipes so fire up the flame for a special heavy metal feast.
BLACK METAL: EVOLUTION OF THE CULT
Written by writer, photographer and designer Dayal Patterson, this 600-page book explores the history and development of Black Metal from its beginnings in the early 1980s to the present day. It feature dozens of interviews with members of bands like Bathory, Celtic Frost, Cradle of Filth, Kreator & Venom (to name a few) and a wealth of previously unpublished images. The book was just released last month so it’s fresh meat for any fan of Metal and available for pre-order. This one’s on my own Christrmas list. Nuff said.
ANTHRAX “FISTFUL OF METAL” RED VINYL REISSUE
If, like me, you were around during the dawn of Thrash Metal (early 80s), you probably had this album on vinyl or cassette. Sure, Anthrax hit their peak with Joey Belladonna on lead vocals but in this writer’s opinion, no Anthrax album ever topped their badass debut LP “Fistful of Metal”. Not even close. This die-cut triple 10″ red vinyl in gatefold offers a fistful of holiday cheer to any Anthrax fan.
BAPHOMET RED BEER STEIN COFFEE MUG
What better way to start your day than with a fresh hot cup of coffee, yes? Well, with this custom designed stein by BlackMetal.com, lovers of Black Metal can announce their allegiance to the Lord of the Underworld without having to say a word.
MUSTAINE: A HEAVY METAL MEMOIR
You can’t call yourself a Metalhead and not own a Megadeth album. Nuff said. Whether you’re an old-time Metalhead like me or part of the newer generation, Dave Mustaine is one of Thrash Metal’s pioneers and one of the truly legendary figures in all of metal. This in-your-face rock memoir which was hailed as “Entirely awesome” by the Washington Post and “Remorseless” by Rolling Stone would make a great gift for any lover of Metal.
JUDAS PRIEST ROCK ICONZ STATUES BY KNUCKLEBONZ
Remember what I said about not being able to call yourself a Metalhead if you didn’t own at least one Megadeth album? Well, that same principle applies (quadruple!) for Judas Priest. If you’ve never heard “Hell Bent for Leather”, “British Steel”, “Screaming for Vengeance”, or “Unleashed in the East” then please hand in your Metalhead card and go sit in the corner facing the wall. That said, these limited edition statues by Knucklebonz will have any Priest fan “Riding on the Wind”. They’re sold out at most online retailers but I found several available on ebay so go…and sin no more.
METAL DRUMMING CONCEPTS: VITAL BEATS, EXERCISES, FILLS, TIPS & TECHNIQUES
Growing up, my favorite Metal drummer was Dave Lombardo of Slayer and I can air drum with the best of them…but wouldn’t being a real Heavy Metal drummer be better? With this book/dvd featuring Andols Herrick, longtime drummer for Chimaira, any wannabe drummer’s dreams of setting off a 10 minute drum solo in front of a sold out arena can become a reality. Well, sort of…
This completely customized version of the iconic Parker Brothers game features an updated playing surface, swapping the more traditional properties, such as “Park Place” and “Water Works,” with the band’s most popular albums. Playing tokens include a cannon (from the song ‘For Those About To Rock’), a bundle of dynamite (from ‘T.N.T.’), a bell on fire (from ‘Hells Bells’), a lightning bolt (from track ‘Thunderstruck’), Angus Young’s schoolboy hat (from ‘School Days’) and stacks of cash (from ‘Money Talks’). You can also find the Metallica version HERE.
LIMITED EDITION ENTOMBED “CLANDESTINE” ALBUM COVER BY DAN SEAGRAVE
British artist Dan Seagrave has created album covers for Death Metal bands like Morbid Angel, Suffocation, Malevolent Creation, Gorguts and legendary Swedish Death Metal pioneers Entombed. This signed and numbered limited edition print of Entombed’s 1991 album “Clandestine” will set you back $150 but there are several Dan Seagrave prints available at his site starting at only $25. And nothing brightens up a home like Death Metal cover art. Right?
BLACK SABBATH 2017 WALL CALENDAR
Two questions: (1) Who doesn’t need a wall calendar? (2) What Metalhead doesn’t revere Black Sabbath? This one’s a no-brainer.
THE ART OF METAL: FIVE DECADES OF HEAVY METAL ALBUM COVERS, POSTERS, T-SHIRTS AND MORE
In The Art of Metal, renowned music journalist Malcolm Dome offers a chronological collection of the colorful, outlandish, and sophisticated album covers, posters, T-shirts, and more that span decades of heavy metal music. The book includes 400 works of art that are complemented by in-depth features, including quotes from the graphic artists and musicians responsible for them. Oh, and did I mention the book features a foreword by Lemmy of Motörhead? That.
MERRY HEAVY METAL CHRISTMAS BY CHARLIE PARRA DEL RIEGO
Peruvian guitarist and composer Charlie Parra del Riego has put together quite the compilation of rocking instrumental Christmas songs on his Merry Heavy Metal Christmas album. Fans of Yngwie Malmsteen, Joe Satriani, and kick ass rock guitar will be cranking this album for the full 12 days of Christmas. It’s available as download only but you can also send it as a gift.
LEMMY: 49% MOTHERF**KER, 51% SON OF A BITCH
This documentary film chronicles the hard-rocking, hard-living life and career of revered heavy-metal musician Lemmy Kilmister, bass guitarist and lead vocalist of the British heavy metal band Motörhead. The film, which has a positive rating of 87% at Rotten Tomatoes, includes interviews with peers and admirers such as Slash and Duff McKagan of Guns N’ Roses, Ozzy Osbourne, Metallica, David Ellefson of Megadeth, and Scott Ian of Anthrax. I was lucky enough to have seen Motörhead live at the old Ritz Theater in NYC (Manowar was one of the opening acts) in the late 80s so this one’s also on my personal Christmas list…
“KEEP CALM AND STAY METAL” SNAPBACK HAT
When in doubt, a baseball cap is about as sure a thing as an Iron Maiden world tour. So keep calm and grab this nifty snapback hat for that special (or balding) Metalhead.
So there you have it – 20 holiday gifts that will make you look like a Metal God to your Metalhead friends and family this Christmas. Rock on, my friends. Rock on.
Check out even more Heavy Metal Holiday Gifts on my 2012 list!
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Ironically, in Canada Trooper is a 70’s rock band best known for their hit “Raise a Little Hell”