Authenticity and Transparency. Two grossly overused words that have been buzzing around the social media stratosphere a heck of a lot lately. People blog about it, chat about it, speak about it, then they blog about it, chat about it, and speak about it some more. They write books about it; they clamor for it like a newborn baby crying for its bottle. They demand it from every company, every organization, from their followers, from those they engage with. But can authenticity or transparency even be realized in social media? From a twitter bio? A tweet? A blog post? A facebook page? Looking for “authenticity” and “transparency” in social media is akin to looking to buy a loaf of bread and a carton of eggs in a hardware store. You’re in the wrong place.
THE REAL WORLD SUCKS EGGS
Perhaps the fascination with those two words stems from a desire to want the online world to be different than the “real world”. After all, the “real world” is full of hypocrites, false prophets, scoundrels, sorcerers, and used car salesmen. In the “real world” people smile to your face then stick a knife in your back as you turn away. In the “real world”, companies don’t care about the customer, they only care about making a buck. In the “real world”, nefarious salespeople will say and do anything to get you to buy their products. Lions, and tigers, and bears! Oh my!
So they begin to wish for impossible things. They write about CEOs being more like the Dalai Lama; an economy based on exchanging gifts instead of cash for goods and services; they want every company that sets up a facebook page to be there simply to engage with them and be their “friend”, and they want the world to hold hands and sing “Kumbaya” as they gleefully watch all the wicked salespeople get thrown into a lake of fire. They want life to be easier; the world to be friendlier, safer. After all, social media is about sugar and spice and everything nice, right? Hmmm…
YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
Ultimately, the evangelists for authenticity and transparency are just looking for the truth, yes? “Be yourself!” they cry from the virtual rooftops. But the funny thing is that when some of these people are actually confronted with authenticity, they’re made uncomfortable by it. When they encounter transparency, they don’t like what they see. It’s not the “truth” they were seeking. This truth differs from their own, disagrees with their beliefs, challenges their opinions. So they flee from it, block it, unfollow it. They retract back into their shells like the snail whose tender horns have been hit. They want authenticity alright, they just want it on their terms. The world would be a better place if everybody believed what they believe; thought like they thought, engaged like they engage. How’s that for authenticity?
So for everyone out there who preaches authenticity and transparency, ask yourselves these three questions:
“Is it reasonable to expect everyone I encounter online to actually be who they appear to be?”
“Is transparency all that necessary if I personally am not willing to share all my dirty little secrets with the whole friggin’ world?”
“Am I ready to accept authenticity and transparency if the views and beliefs expressed by others differs from my own or should I be careful what I ask for (because it just might slap me upside the head)?”
If you answered “No.” to anyone of these questions, please cease and desist from blogging, chatting, speaking, or writing any books on the importance in social media of those two beaten and bloodied words ever again. Thank you.
REALITY CHECK
So can authenticity exist in social media? Does it even matter? Authenticity is what you believe it to be – whether it actually is or isn’t shouldn’t matter as long as you’re enjoying the “engagement”, right? Can relationships be formed online that end up as lifelong friendships? Of course. But then you gotta take it to the “real world”, don’t you? And sometimes you end up pulling a few knives out of your back; dusting yourself off after getting thrown under the bus; wiping away a tear or two. But great rewards sometimes require great risk, yes? Fellow blogger Angel Magaña put it best in a recent blog post when he described social media relationship building as “trying to build a relationship with someone by limiting your interactions with them to casual glances through their living room window”.
“Authenticity” and “transparency” make for great blog fodder but they’re not a reality of social media and more importantly, they don’t need to be. When I want the real thing, I look to my wife, my family, my close friends. We’ve already invested the time (years) “checking each other out”; we’ve seen the best and worst of each other; been there to support each other during the tough times life throws at us; we’ve laughed and cried together. And the good news is you only need a few trusted souls to offset all the lies, hypocrisy, ego, hatred and indifference in the world. Can I get an “Amen”?
Your turn…
*Photographs by NuageDeNuit*
69 comments
This is one post that I can’t wait to see comments on! Thanks to @prosperitygal for RT it. I will be back with my comments afterhours, but very interesting stance you are taking here. In a nutshell, which I feel inclined to elaborate on later, I believe that your experience with the real world is encompassing “all” . Whether in the real world, or online, we all have the choice to make our circles. I believe in like attracting like, if you are astute enough to identify backstabbers and the like, then I would hope you make the choice to handle them accordingly and keep them out of your inner circle. This inner circle could refer to your personal life, or corporate life. If the head of an organization is out of touch with their employees and representatives, then the possibility exists that the culture in the org will only foster the development of liek minded types and the internal characters within will be that way only because the “nice” people will not tolerate this atmosphere, therefore it becomes imperative that the upper management set expectations and monitor the quality of their talent (in regards to character) and do not encourage these behaviors. As mentioned, I am terribly pressed for time at the moment, and will return with a “better” comment. But , wow, this was a striking post! Looking forward to the ensuing dialogue!
Mila,
Just like in the real world, like definitely attracts like online as well. If you walk and talk a certain way, you’ll most likely find similar people in your inner circle.
Glad you enjoyed the post – hope to see you back again 🙂
Most excellent post Dan. I find it interesting that people REALLY seem to want transparency and authenticity, yet they don’t want to hear anything they disagree with. So while people clamor for authenticity, political correctness turns right around and stifles it. So people… do you want the truth or do you just want everyone to hold hands and agree with you? MOST excellent post Dan.
Monica,
At the end of the day, it doesn’t really bother me too much. It’s actually fun sometimes watching them run off with their tails between their legs 🙂
There really is no right or wrong here – authenticity is whatever you want it to be. Just be careful what you ask for, yes?
Always good to see you here. Hug 🙂
Dan, well said.
I specially like the part about how some people simply don’t like the truth once it is actually out there. Furthermore, many of those same people making calls for transparency and authenticity are themselves far from reaching the goal they want others to meet. If that weren’t true, we wouldn’t have so many blogs dedicated to trashing people and companies. When was the last time you read a blog post from someone complaining about a company’s customer service rep/dept that gave an accounting of the issue at hand from the perspective of both parties? I can only think of one example.
Keep up the good work!
Angel,
People just don’t know what those dang words mean because the definitions are so varied. I want to thank you for giving me the final push I needed to complete this post (with your excellent post). Gracias, amigo.
PS – ¡Que viva la chancleta!
Interesting read…..thanks for sharing Dan…..
social media:
fickle butterflies; firm self
is roots underground
Dan, this is what I love about who you are and what you bring to the “table”. You speak “your truth” and you share with wild abandonment.
You do what more people should-ought-need-to be doing. Questioning everything.
I agree there is a lot of BS and koombayah (we all spell it differently) in the online world. Yet, I also see that crap in the “real world” as you put it.
I see people’s words not match their body language and when you ask for clarification they dig a deeper hole.
I see people say “tell it to me straight” then proceed to turn their back, instead of investigating “What is the lesson in this for me”.
I have had the knife in the back-very publically.
Here is what I have noticed about engagement in social media. If you bring contrast to just pick a fight, then hell no I am not gonna talk with you. If you bring up contrast and then run and not stay behind to hold an intelligent conversation with me , then hell no I am not gonna talk to you next time.
As much as everyone wants to preach transparency-people still judge, online and offline.
What is truly sad, is that many folks do not take the time to get to know someone offline so that they can read the body language together with the verbal communication. Heck, wasn’t the beauty of social media to allow us to connect with people who were not in our back yards. To expand our community.
So to your point about do folks only want truth as it fits in their neat little boxes-I ask you how is that different than in the offline world. We self select who we want in our circle of friends, circle of business companions and our families (well, some of our families).
I have learned to ask “What do you mean by that”, “How does that impact this situation”, “What does this mean to you”. When I see the responses only be blustering, mean, un-constructive (I make my own words up all the time), hate-filled responses, then I do what I do in the “real world”-I make a choice does this person add to my life in meaningful ways? If not, it is my choice online or offline to walk away.
That my friend does not change where ever we choose to talk, engage, conversate.
Now for your questions:
“Is it reasonable to expect everyone I encounter online to actually be who they appear to be?”
(Michele) Maybe not reasonable, but if we cannot expect better from people, then why bother doing anything. It is normal to human behavior and nature to be expanding. The choice is are we expanding in ways that create more harmony.
“Is transparency all that necessary if I personally am not willing to share all my dirty little secrets with the whole friggin’ world?”
(Michele) You confuse transparency with spilling your guts my friend. Yes, I expect you to be Honest/transparent with me-and you have not let me down yet.
“Am I ready to accept authenticity and transparency if the views and beliefs expressed by others differs from my own or should I be careful what I ask for (because it just might slap me upside the head)?”
(Michele) Yes, I love having deep conversations, it is what separates me from many and one of my own business differentiators’-it is why folks hire me-they get more than surface BS. I also have the right to boundaries in all relationship-online & offline. There my friend is where you will find me.
You coming?
Dan, this is what I love about who you are and what you bring to the “table”. You speak “your truth” and you share with wild abandonment.
You do what more people should-ought-need-to be doing. Questioning everything.
I agree there is a lot of BS and koombayah (we all spell it differently) in the online world. Yet, I also see that crap in the “real world” as you put it.
I see people’s words not match their body language and when you ask for clarification they dig a deeper hole.
I see people say “tell it to me straight” then proceed to turn their back, instead of investigating “What is the lesson in this for me”.
I have had the knife in the back-very publically.
Here is what I have noticed about engagement in social media. If you bring contrast to just pick a fight, then hell no I am not gonna talk with you. If you bring up contrast and then run and not stay behind to hold an intelligent conversation with me , then hell no I am not gonna talk to you next time.
As much as everyone wants to preach transparency-people still judge, online and offline.
What is truly sad, is that many folks do not take the time to get to know someone offline so that they can read the body language together with the verbal communication. Heck, wasn’t the beauty of social media to allow us to connect with people who were not in our back yards. To expand our community.
So to your point about do folks only want truth as it fits in their neat little boxes-I ask you how is that different than in the offline world. We self select who we want in our circle of friends, circle of business companions and our families (well, some of our families).
I have learned to ask “What do you mean by that”, “How does that impact this situation”, “What does this mean to you”. When I see the responses only be blustering, mean, un-constructive (I make my own words up all the time), hate-filled responses, then I do what I do in the “real world”-I make a choice does this person add to my life in meaningful ways? If not, it is my choice online or offline to walk away.
That my friend does not change where ever we choose to talk, engage, conversate.
Now for your questions:
“Is it reasonable to expect everyone I encounter online to actually be who they appear to be?”
(Michele) Maybe not reasonable, but if we cannot expect better from people, then why bother doing anything. It is normal to human behavior and nature to be expanding. The choice is are we expanding in ways that create more harmony.
“Is transparency all that necessary if I personally am not willing to share all my dirty little secrets with the whole friggin’ world?”
(Michele) You confuse transparency with spilling your guts my friend. Yes, I expect you to be Honest/transparent with me-and you have not let me down yet.
“Am I ready to accept authenticity and transparency if the views and beliefs expressed by others differs from my own or should I be careful what I ask for (because it just might slap me upside the head)?”
(Michele) Yes, I love having deep conversations, it is what separates me from many and one of my own business differentiators’-it is why folks hire me-they get more than surface BS. I also have the right to boundaries in all relationship-online & offline. There my friend is where you will find me.
You coming?
Michele,
I think we agree on much here. I strongly believe that a lot of people that want the social media world to NOT be like the real world but rather some safe haven where everybody plays nice. It ain’t so. You can get burned online as well as off – it’s just easier to do when you can hide behind an avatar in another state or country.
As for question #1, I don’t really expect anything from a person online other than engagement without stupidity (my personal definition of it). There are plenty of people who’s company I enjoy already in my world. If that type of relationship can develop online, then that’s just gravy.
Am I expecting transparency? No. I just don’t really care. You can be whoever you want to be online – if the engagement is good, why should I bother?
I can get into it online or off – I can dish it out AND take it. I love to talk and listen. And sometimes (surprise!) people actually make me change my way of thinking. It happens. Really. Really!
Am I coming? Heck, I’m already there 🙂 Thanks for your great response…hugs.
I enjoyed discussing this with you in #GetRealChat. I know that transparency and authenticity are two words that always bring Dan into the chat. While we have some differing views, it is true that it would be naive to think that everyone was like they tweet. That being said, at the #unGeeked conference I attended recently the biggest compliment paid to me was that people said to me over and over you are exactly like you are online and tweet. I don’t make an effort to be transparent or authentic: I am just me. To me, those who feel the need to look for transparency/authenticity or ask for it are the ones who may not be presenting themselves as they truly are and create a faux version of themselves for their virtual world. Shame on them.
Cheers!
Peggy,
There is no doubt in my mind that were I to meet some of my tweeps IRL, they’d be exactly like they appear online. @jessicanorthey:disqus or @jeffespo:disqus and I would get along great, while someone like @Samfiorella:twitter or @PaulBiedermann:twitter would bore the hell out of me 😉
I believe, over time, when people expose themselves more online (twitter or facebook), their personalities, beliefs, and values begin to emerge. The aforementioned tweeps in the preceeding paragraph are all pretty authentic (to their credit) because of what they share online. But at the end of the day, I just don’t care. I’ve got little to lose on social media platforms. I’m there to pass the time and have some fun (and raise a little hell every now & then).
So congratulations to you, in your case, perception has become reality. I’m also 100% certain you’d be exactly who you appear to be; that’s all you can really ask for, yes? The rest is just blog fodder. Hugz 🙂
Zzzzzzzzz… *snore* Oh, did somebody say something?
With you to some extent Dan but :)…
We all juggle different levels of transparency and authenticity IRL relationships.
Is it necessary that we have the same levels of transparency between say ones spouse as with ones friend? You may give your bank PIN to your spouse but handing it out to all your friends is another story.
Transparency and authenticity in biz is definitely not (to me) about baring it all.
It is about honesty, integrity, fairness.
You should not be able to call yourself a community centered biz building parks for kids in your community while you are using 8-10 yr olds, on the other side of the world, for manual labor or testing pharma drugs on (Pfizer anybody?). If you are authentic and transparent enough you cannot reconcile the two (or will be exposed a la wikileaks and Pfizer)
At the same time does it mean you are going to list out your secret patented biz process on your website for public consumption? Definitely not.
I do see the ubiquity of access to somed and information as one of the ways humanity could possibly ‘offset all the lies, hypocrisy, ego, hatred and indifference in the world’.
The Arab spring is one example.
Jacob,
That’s kind of my point – we all gauge authenticity differently so why is everybody calling it the same thing? As for transparency, it’s just not that important to me in the social media space. I’m there for “engagement”, I’m not looking for a wife, my next best friend, or a business partner (I already have those). I love honesty, integrity, and fairness as much as anyone but I’m just not that interested in it on twitter. I’m not putting up anything so I have nothing to lose, you see?
Appreciate your comment – thanks for stopping by 🙂
Hmmmm… yes thought-provoking indeed. I’m someone who HAS talked about the need for authenticity and transparency in social media and yet agree with you vehemently. A large part of the issue, I think, is that these terms (like many others we love to make fun of while playing BuzzWordBingo) have come to mean something they’re not.. .something overblown. Maybe I’m just being a word nerd again…
Be authentic in social media, I say. And transparent. Yet, no I don’t tweet or blog about EVERYTHING that goes on in my life. I’ll leave that side-show to the Kardashians. But my friends will tell you that – very personal life details aside – who I am in social media is pretty much who I am in real life. Some people don’t like it, and I’m pretty certain I lost a job opportunity or five as a result. But ultimately I’ve decided that I like who I am, my friends like who I am, and so be it.
As it relates to brands, here’s my opinion:
Authenticity = sticking to “who” your brand is. Don’t try to have an uproariously funny social media personality if everything else about your brand is serious. Stuff like that.
Transparency = be willing to discuss in social media the same things you’d discuss with a reporter, or with a potential customer, partner, employee, etc. on a one-to-one basis. (Proprietary and other “private” kinds of information aside). Some companies refuse to do that because they’re putting it out there for the world to see. Who cares? If it’s something you say one-on-one to a person the information is out there anyway. You just can’t SEE it because it’s not written down somewhere (yet).
But yes, some people take what happens in social media WAY too seriously. Makes me think of Queen’s Bohemiam Rhapsody … “Is this the real life… or is this just fantasy?”
Jennifer,
Who you see in the mirror is something we all have to deal with. Hopefully, we’re happy with that person and in our heart, we know who we are. It doesn’t particularly mean that others agree with us but we can’t possibly please everyone, can we? So I agree with your personal view.
As in real life, if you’re always pretending to be something you’re not, eventually you’re gonna get “made”. Same holds true for a brand. But ultimately I don’t care whether a company wants to be transparent on social media or not – just make a quality product that I want and/or need (Apple, anyone?) and I’ll be happy. I’m easy like a Sunday morning…
Many thanks for stopping by and for your astute observation 🙂
Your writing often takes me on a journey of self-exploration. Which is smart in and of itself – how can we make the world a better place without looking at our own behavior first.
It takes me back to when I first heard the term transparency. Eventually I began to think – well I don’t want anything to be *completely* transparent. That would spoil the beauty of life. But I also believe the flawed model of marketing is similar to the flawed model of dating. We’re taught to dress ourselves up as something we’re not and cover our flaws, to speak with the dating (or corporate) voice, and hope we can ensnare our unsuspecting prey. Meanwhile, they’re doing the same to us. No wonder half of all marriages fail, then. No wonder only 1.5% of online transactions occur on the first visit.
In light of that, my quest has been to emulate the South Park version of transparency. Those writers think and share what they feel, raise questions they admit they don’t know the answers to, and entertain us. So, transparent. I also see them as authentic, because when you scrape back another layer of them as an entity, there’s no doubt that they’re in the South Park business to make money. They don’t pretend otherwise and I respect that.
You can see the “them” in their work, but I couldn’t tell you their middle names or if they went drinking last night. And quite frankly, I don’t want to know.
Perhaps this idea of transparency is flawed. Maybe authenticity is a misnomer. Still, I’m not ready to throw the baby out with the bathwater. After all, I’m a “company” and I’m not just in it for the money. There are a lot smarter things for me to do if all I want to do is make money. So by logic, I feel there simply must be other people out there like me, and that I shouldn’t discount them just because their companies may be bigger. It feels vaguely discriminatory.
Very thought-provoking work.
Tinu,
Great observation. People are always gonna try to be something they’re not at one time or the other (we’re all guilty of that at some point in our lives, yes?). Over time, the people that we’re around the most are the ones that will come to know who we really are. They may even define us better than we can. I’ve met several people in my life who saw me through a different lens; made me realize certain characteristics I was not even aware I had.
Ultimately, you have to be comfortable in your own skin – that’s who you are. The Dan Perez who worked as a Director of Sales walked and talked different than filmmaker Dan Perez today. People who knew me from my corporate days (clean-shaven, suit & tie) look at me strange when they see me now (shorts, t-shirt, unshaven); they sometimes even have trouble reconnecting with this new me they see. But I still see the same Dan Perez in the mirror. That’s what matters, yes?
Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to comment 🙂
Amen. brother Dan. Preach that shit 🙂
Hey Dan, I read your thoughts a few times. I get it. Pandering, schmoozing, inauthenticity abounds. Speaking only for myself, I feel confident that I am who I am. I stumble, fail, succeed, blunder, thrive, and express as authentically online as I do off. Maybe that’s just me. Sure, I compartmentalize – not every one needs to know about my divorce or my how my kids sometimes make me want to live alone in a cave. But that doesn’t make my engagement less authentic.
I’m fortunate enough to have real friends – both online & off – who accept me as I am. Failing brilliantly and sometimes even contributing a little 😉 No one will ever know me as well as some of them do but that’s ok. I’m the same real me to the lovely lady at the corner store as I am to my soul mates. It’s the depth of exchange that is different (I don’t think my corner store friend needs to know my deepest secrets but if she asked and sincerely cared? I’m in. And I would listen to her, if she were so inclined to share.)
Maybe I’m Pollyanna wearing a very stylish pair of rose-coloured glasses, but I do give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I’m cautiously naive, I suspect 😉 So far, I find that I do reap what I sow. Sometimes have weeds to dispose of but, generally, my garden rocks.
You, my friend, are a shining example of authenticity. Amen.
Tobey,
It’s not really that “inauthenticity abounds” or that everyone on social media is a phony – it’s just that to expect is is tad foolish. Like you, I give everyone the benefit of the doubt as well. But in the social media space, I’m looking for enjoyable engagement – I don’t really care if the person is who they claim to be or who they want me to believe them to be. There’s really nothing to lose.
For a relationship to get to the next level, it’s gotta move out of the social media space anyway and there’s where I proceed with caution.
At the end of the day, YOU have to know who YOU are – that’s what matters, yes? And your garden DOES rock. Happy to see you here. Hugz 🙂
Everyone constantly clamors for transparency and honestly. When a truly honest, transparent post pops up, it causes a controversy. You’re spot on here Mr. Perez. It’s a case of the social media world talking loud and saying nothing, once again.
Michael,
Thank you. Good to see you here 🙂
I feel like this is an AA meeting, but for SM addicts and douchebags. So with that I will stand up and say it. My name is Jeff Esposito and I have a confession. Social media is not all about being there with the unicorns and rainbows. It is about making money and giving customers what they want via supply and demand. Pass the scotch. Oh and AMEN Brother.
*puts on tiara* *points* LOOK It’s a unicorn!
Congratulations, brother Jeff. Now go…and sin no more.
[…] Authenticity, Transparency, & Hypocrisy: An Observation – One of the things that bugs me about many social media circles, pundits, blogs and conferences is that everyone is attracted to the shiny object. This can be a network, app, phone, rising star or catch phrase. Once it has hit the lexicon it becomes gospel. In this post from Dan Perez, the notion is brought front and center and well called bullshit on. If you only read one post in this list, peep out the Miami-based filmmaker’s blog. […]
Dan Perez films
You love to stoke the fire of controversy 🙂
Lets get authentic here.
You jump into chats constantly drop word bombs, stoke fires, hell you bring a can of petrol with you every time. Some people hide from you, agree with you and BS straight up. I have seen you frighten people to death they just cannot handle your straight talk. You see the mispelled words in their eyes, honestly it is funny because twitter is public and nobody wants to make any mistakes or appear to be dumb or stupid as you regularly put it.
I am not one of them. Your post makes some interesting points. But also uses a stealth bomber to bomb a hut.
Transparency and authenticity are perceptions peoples. Do I care if people think I am transparent or authenticate no. I am just me. I use twitter and my blog to engage because I am in business. But I also try to bring the real me. There are levels of transparency online and offline as you point out we are transparent with family and friends and others who we trust and who trust us.
It is impossible to be fully transparent online and off. It takes years of engagement and incremental actions to feel comfortable with people and it is determined by a complex range of factors as to whether we ever get to that stage with anybody. There is just too much pressure on people to conform and most do. People are scared to expose themselves because we all share the same traits as human beings some have just evolved their ability to limit the bad aspects of being human and operate at level that is transparent and authentic. But they still have a dark side.
I am authentic and transparent to a degree and I think that is how it should be. Try and be completely authentic and transparent on Twitter and people will be asking if you have taken your medication or did you miss a couple of pills. Be authentic on your terms to meet your objectives. For me that is the point. It is about engaging building trust and giving value as long as you do that with honesty and integrity and you’re not trying to shaft anyone your authentic and transparent.
Why do you use twitter. To engage and develop relationships. Hopefully some of them will be become strong and last and you will meet your objective business or otherwise. Other relationships will not stack up and fall by the side. That is how it should be and is.
Ultimately these two words mean nothing. There just words. But I believe your transparent and authentic to a degree and your not always right. But you put the uncomfortable questions out there and you take the come back sometimes with grace, humor and snark all rolled into one. Other times your way of target but you fight your corner because you think your right and have the right to make your case.
On this occasion I agree with some of what you have wrote. There are way too many people who talk about these words like they have the magic pill. It is lies, pseudo social media science and just plain BS.
Now any time you want to have chat fight let me know. You know I am ready bro.I am gonna call you out when I think your wrong. I am going to agree when I think your right. And that is authentic and transparent truth.
Hat tip to you sir as ever you bring the pain.
Kenny,
I didn’t know you had it in you 🙂
First of all, if anyone’s “hiding from me” or “frightened to death” by me, they may just want to crawl under a rock and hope nobody notices them…ever. I’m easy.
I enjoy “engaging” (or “dropping bombs”, as you so eloquently put it) on twitter – that’s it. I’m really not there for relationships though I’ll gladly welcome them. My business is not based on my klout score, tweets, facebook page, or blog. I have no agenda or business objectives on social media platforms so I’m free to speak candidly. I totally understand It’s different for other people.
I do think we agree that those words are just that – words. Why people are so passionate about them and love to throw them into every chat, blog and book puzzles me. You and I are only as authentic/transparent as we believe the other to be. There’s no truth, only perception. That’s OK with me.
Thank you for your well thought out comment. It is most appreciated. Hope to see you back…
PS – I am always right and you do not want none of this 😉
Jennifer,
Social media as a customer service tool is a whole other conversation (my next post? Hmmm…). My expectation level for customer service is usually pretty low – I just want whatever my problem is fixed as soon as possible. I’d rather be pleasantly surprised by good service than disappointed by crappy service (it’s just me).
Do come back again soon…or not 😉
Or not? Hmm. Okay. 🙂
If you write that post, sir, please let me know. I’d love to put it into the #custserv viewport. Cheers!
What a thoughtful post, Dan. You made me think of Rashard Mendenhall, the Steelers RB who just lost an endorsement deal because he tweeted after bin Laden’s death that we hadn’t heard bin Laden’s side of the story and that a plane couldn’t possibly take down a building. Like many others, I thought his opinions were ridiculous, but he was being authentic with social media. The advice of the talking heads? He shouldn’t tweet his own thoughts or opinions.
All of those folks promoting “authenticity” and “transparency” are likely from two camps: 1) The digirati who evangelize about the New World Order of the Internet (the ones you point out think the real world sucks eggs). 2) Folks selling their so-called online expertise, SEO masters who offer more buzz words than practical tips. They suck eggs.
For me, whether it is my blog or Twitter, I try to be authentic in that I say and write what I sincerely believe while sharing a bit of myself, but I do keep some distance. It’s no different than when I’m giving a speech. I want to impart something of value, I want to personalize it a bit to help the message connect with the audience, but I will likely never really, truly “know” most of the people in those uncomfortable ballroom chairs, so there’s no reason for them to truly “know” me, and whatever oddball thoughts or emotions are bouncing around in my head.
Patrick,
Being “authentic” does have its consequences sometimes. You can speak your mind but be ready for backlash. But that’s life, yes? As creative people, authenticity and truth is what we express through our works. Those works, like the works of Kubrick or Lynch, are then judged and analyzed by the masses. Some will love it, others won’t but the truth can’t be denied.
Despite what the people who think the “real world sucks eggs” may think, the social media space is rather impersonal. Trust at your own risk…
Great to see you here – hope you came back again 🙂
Wow, your a, Half Empty” type of guy. I can see the cynicism reaching out and breaking the glass of my monitor. Of course those words are thrown around like a hooker at Charlie Sheen’s house. If people always believed those on the other end of the screen were always true and genuine, you wouldn’t see any “To Catch a Predator” shows with tag lines like, “Why don’t you have a seat over here.”
Being transparent and authentic doesn’t mean divulging your fetishes for pink latex tootoos on grown men, to me it simply means not selling yourself short of who you are because you know people will call you on. That’s true for personal and business.
I’m with ya though, catch phrases lose their power when used to much. EPIC POST! (See what I did there?)
Ok, just wanted to point out that I’m with ya on on all points in which my asshole post was trying to convey. So, I got that going for me.
Ok, just wanted to point out that I’m with ya on on all points in which my asshole post was trying to convey. So, I got that going for me.
Brad,
How I wish I could’ve used “those words are thrown around like a hooker at Charlie Sheen’s house” in my post. Perhaps I should consult with you before I publish my next post…
Thanks for the comment – glad you’re with me 🙂
Nothing lies like a camera.
Amen. I think there is no greater irony than asking for “likes” on a Facebook fan page. It’s a Styrofoam soul begging for dimes. It’s bogarting influence, not “friending.” What we call viral is often I look at a few friends…around my age, and find my most meaningful moments enjoying laughs. I can hide in the middle of Brazil, write, and engage at will, but I think the froth will fade and the vapor will…vaporize. The true stuff of friendship can be made, but not sold. I will not sell anything until it brings value to peoples lives. I’m a husband, a brother, a son, a friend, a teacher. I can write, I can think, I can fast. In my weakest moments I want popularity; In my strongest moments I listen. The rest is slime. I’m full of it. It’s evil. I face the Brutal Fact. And it all is just a game. World of Warcraft with emotional leverage. Someone recently tweeted “thank you instagr.am for making us all look hotter.” This is a very popular “evangelist” and a great writer. Maybe if I could learn to play the hustle “if I had the brains, the money or the muscle,” but I don’t. I don’t. I need an inner circle of 3ish. 12 good friends. The rest is just a dwelling in the ambiance of love–peaceful as a dove, and as shrewd as a snake. In the end, I loved this post. It’s a well articulated polemic…but true. Look for my letter on “confessions of an imperfection insurrectionst” at my posterous. I’m having a great bit of fun with this. Totally wham-sham-thank-you-mam, but it’s fun to toy with authenticity nonsense. In the meantime, sitting back, drinking diet coke, and enjoying the unbearable lightness of being unfollowed.
Bingo,
M
Mark,
As usual, you make me realize what real writing is (compared to my rants!). Wish I were as eloquent as you (but then I wouldn’t be me, would I?). Social media has truly warped the perception of friendship and devalued the word “relationship”. But ultimately, I’ve found that I only need very few friends (starting with my wife) to get through this thing called life – the rest is only chatter 🙂
Great to see you here…
[…] “Authenticity, Transparency & Hypocrisy: An Observation,” Dan Perez: The thought-provoking filmmaker and blogger notes “authenticity” and “transparency” are constantly cited as must-haves in social media writing, but he questions whether true adherence to those approaches are possible or even desirable. […]
Amen brother! http://bit.ly/fRbmje
First of all AMEN!!!
Such a great post! I recently wrote something about “Tweeting Naked” lol meaning, just being yourself. I can’t stand meeting people in real life who are nothing like their online persona…I don’t mean pictures—who cares about that…I just think that online “trust” and “manipulation” are so dirty and despicable. Been struggling with these exact issues lately…even more so than when we talked the last time.Thanks for sharing!!
Jessica,
You & I aren’t big fans of poseurs and there are a lot of them on social media. Its gotten to the point that you don’t ever really know who’s for real any more. But that’s what our family and real friends are for. Whatever I get out of social media is just “gravy”. My expectations are usually low (I’d rather be pleasantly surprised than disappointed).
I know that you’re the real deal, though. Glad to see you here…hug 🙂
My love for transparency and authenticity, (two hated buzz words,) is because I have found that by simply being my often weird, passionate, bizarre, self- I magnetize those around me who ‘get’ it. Real transparency, where you tell a honest, deep, dark, story for self-enlightenment and because you don’t care if it’s received well can backfire. Other times, it’s received with a standing ovation: (http://www.girlmeetsgeek.com/2010/03/02/who-is-girlmeetsgeek/)
What separates REAL transparency and authenticity out is the same as what makes a great diet: Healthy Activism. There are those that want a magic pill to become brighter and more popular. There are now COUNTLESS amounts of business books being published with the solutions. Many flock to the new ways of thinking and doing because they have forgotten: Great business just ISN’T that difficult. We constantly have business diets shoved down our throats, and the latest trend in the past 2 years of ‘being authentic,’ is no different, except for one simple part. Those who go through life and have a healthy balance of Healthy Activism- or simply put: Are willing to be themselves in every situation, succeed. They always have and they always will. In a world where we are sick of yellow journalism, pretenses and the quest for the almighty dollar what we are most willing to give up is often, ourselves. Someone noticed that… made a great deal of money on it, when most of us have just been LIVING it for years.
I say: To really matter, Live it. Don’t broadcast someone else’s message. There are enough Chris Brogan’s. What we need is YOU. Great message.
Kate,
Real transparency can be risky, yes? Fortunately, you can let people know as much or as little (or whatever the heck you want them to think) about yourself in the social media space. Activism will draw those with like minds to you – but is it always real?
“We should often blush at our noblest deeds if the world were to see all their underlying motives.” ~La Rochefoucauld
That’s where social media is just a glance through the living room window of someone else’s life. You can’t expect authenticity or transparency until you take it to the “real world” where relationships become much riskier.
Authenticity and transparency (or the lack thereof) should only matter to the individual not to the bloggers clamoring for it online – it’s just a shadow, not the substance. Be whoever you want to be, let the masses figure out whether they care or not…
Terrific comment – glad to see you here 🙂
Dan,
You’ve cut quite a swath. Be transparent and authentic when you engage. Blah, blah, blah. Isn’t that after you ‘listen’ first in social media? Too many rules in order to be social in social media.
Brands should realize the ‘me’ in social ‘me’dia isn’t about the company, it’s about me the consumer. I don’t want to have a relationship with my saran wrap (no matter how transparent it is) or my salsa (no matter how authentic mexican it is).
As far as people are concerned, it’s different strokes for different folks. Everyone shares differently. My mom once told me that I shouldn’t expect people to behave the way I would. I would be setting myself up for disappointment.
Here are some axioms I live by:
– it’s easier to be critical than it is to be correct
– don’t make things personal and don’t take things personally
– it’s nice to be important, but its more important to be nice
– be optimistic, you might not be right as often but its so much more enjoyable
Best,
Stan
@9INCHmarketing
‘The average distance between the brain and the heart is 9 inches’
Stan,
After you listen first? Of course. But what are you listening to? Is it the truth? I’ve decided that when it comes to social media, I don’t care as long as I’m enjoying the “engagement” because in the end, you’re never really going to know anyway.
And as for companies – you think they’ve taken up residence in the social space primarily to listen? They’re there to showcase their product/service and hope you buy. I don’t know why you have such a problem with that concept.
You’re right – people don’t want a relationship with a company; they wanna see what you got and if they need/want it and it’s priced right, they’ll buy it. Period. It works. But if things were that simple, the social media marketing people would have less to blog about, yes?
As for me, I learned growing up in the Bronx to keep it real. Because in the “real world”, it’s not hard to spot a phony. It’s a vital skill to survival on the streets. I’ve found that to be much more enjoyable than being overly optimistic. I’m still an overall nice guy despite all that 🙂
Thanks for the comment. Glad we could agree to disagree…
Dan,
I was having fun [at the expense of every social media expert] with the ‘listen first’ comment.
Unfortunately most companies do not listen. They lump it in with the rest of their push based media and broadcast away. Sadly they don’t realize their brand isn’t what they say it is . . . its what the consumer says it is. No amount of lipstick can change it. Too bad they don’t comprehend that the only thing they truly control is the value and experience they provide to their current customers. I can’t understand why you have such a problem with that concept.
Keep keeping it real Dan from the Bronx. Our Yankees are heading down your way. Positive vibes to both you and the pinstripes.
Best,
Stan
[…] “Authenticity, Transparency & Hypocrisy: An Observation,” Dan Perez: The thought-provoking filmmaker and blogger notes “authenticity” and “transparency” are constantly cited as must-haves in social media writing, but he questions whether true adherence to those approaches are possible or even desirable. […]
Dan –
I believe in authenticity and transparency. I believe in engagement. I believe in opposing views and civil discussions about differences. I believe in agreeing to disagree.
I recognize that many (most) companies behave as you highlight here. But I have much greater hope and optimism than you seem to have. I look at companies like Zappos – yes the exception and not the rule. I see success in ethics and in business and that is NOT a coincidence. Thus, I preach authenticity and transparency not just on ethical grounds, but as a business case as well. Given the choice to do business in various places, I see consumers selecting “good guys and gals” as being one value proposition coupled with many others.
I would discuss this further, but that is too hard to do in a blog/comment thread. We’ll have to meet face to face for further discussion – and I look forward to that opportunity. 🙂
Best,
“Social” Steve
Steve,
My view is not one that lacks optimism. I just believe that we can all live happy, productive, and successful lives in the present world. Success in ethics and business is not a new concept either. It’s been around for the past century. It’s a matter of preference: you see consumers selecting “good guys and gals” when they decide to make a purchasing decision, I see consumers selecting where the product/service and price are right for their needs. Period.
The problem with companies is that they’re run by people and as long as they’re run by people, you’re always gonna have an imperfect company that suffers from egos, vanity, fear, mismanagement, bureaucracy, etc. Why wish for impossible things, then?
Steve, it was big of you to comment and even bigger of you to RT the post. Thank you for taking the time to stop by – much appreciated.
Dan, I recognize this debate can go on for a long time and we both can produce point – counter-point back and forth. But I strongly, strongly disagree with you comment “consumers selecting where the product/service and price are right for their needs. Period.” There is something to said about a relationship and purchasing something from someone you feel comfortable with. There is a trust factor and other attributes of a relationship that play in purchase decisions. This is especially applicable when price and filling needs are the same across vendor/supplier.
Best,
Steve
Steve,
There are many different types of purchases. There’s the $10 t-shirt that you buy online without much consideration and then there’s the $50,000 piece of office equipment that has a much longer sales cycle. In such purchases, trust and confidence are indeed factors.
However, in most purchases that people make (food, clothing, electronics, appliances), the consumer is gonna purchase the product they need at the best price where they can find it. I don’t think in the majority of those purchases, relationships and trust play major roles. In larger sales (cars, homes, high-tech equipment) that require a relationship with a salesperson, the trust and “like” factors come into play much more (this from my own 10+ year experience in sales before launching my own company).
Not sure if that was your point or not…
Can’t believe I missed this when you first posted it. Amen, without hesitation. ’nuff said.
Like John McClane said in “Die Hard”, “Welcome to the party, pal!”
Hi Dan,
I think you make a lot of great points in this post. Most especially, I think your hypothesis that people are looking to Social Media as an escape route from real life is quite accurate and acutely perceptive. It’s interesting because the word “social” kind of denotes “with people,” and people are people wherever you go, unless it’s to Mars or Venus.
The temptation at first is to think, “Well, these folks aren’t just putting their best foot forward. They’re being who they really are in entirety, because why not? You have nothing to lose!”
In fact though, Social Media is in many ways not too far different from an adult version of playing house. You can be an expert if you call yourself one. You have people “fanning” or following you. Your ego is perpetually massaged. People are always paying attention to you. How can you possibly be 100% yourself in that kind of environment?
There are different ways to be authentic/transparent. I am who I am. You are who you are. But I am not my whole self online because this is an extension of my professional world. I don’t say anything or do anything I would be ashamed to share with a client or a co-worker. And I give that wide berth.
Very thought provoking – sorry I’m late to the game!
Marjorie,
Glad you touched on the “escape route from real life” because I believe that’s what fuels the whole “authenticity/transparency” silliness. A desire for the social media space to be different from the “real world”. Got news for the those people – it ain’t.
The only person you can’t fool is yourself. As long as you’re true to whoever you want to be, who cares what anyone else thinks, yes?
Thanks for stopping by as well as for your terrific comment – much appreciated 🙂
Amen. Hallelujah. Praise the Lord. Good one brother. I believe you are ready. As am I. The force is withe us and it is strong. Going back to Manga’s post, I just don’t look at the “bad” anymore. Part of why I gravitated AWAY from Twitter for awhile was because of some of that “bad” but yet I’m back. And it’s becasue of the “good” that I am.
I authenticity and transparency are what brings me to follow/like/engage with some people and not others. I just try and find the good peeps and the good stuff. Like you. And this post.
Carl,
Trust me, the bad sometimes makes me want to run away, too. But there’s still plenty of good for me to sink my teeth into. Whether it’s real or not doesn’t really matter – just that it keeps me coming back. Glad you’re back in the stream 🙂
[…] Dan Perez is not one to mince words, so it’s no surprise that his post titled Authenticity, Transparency & Hypocrisy: An Observation offers some truths that might be difficult for some to swallow. Sometimes bitter is a good shock for […]
[…] lot more than a handshake and a few chuckles at a local tweetup. As far as online relationships go, I really don’t care who you are or who you’re pretending to be – just don’t say anything stupid and we’ll be […]
You make some great points here Dan. I can see where the post I wrote must have irritated you. With all the talk about love and relationships online. Of course, I agree there is evil in this world and that certainly extends to life online. But, I still believe in transparency and genuineness as much as possible because it makes for real and lasting friendships and true connection with people where they are. So I blog from a very different place than you, but I respect your point of view and will not ever try again to change it. You are insightful, honest and very bright and I wouldn’t change a thing about you if I could! Love, Libby
Personally: I’ve had too many authentic comments come back and bite me with nastiness. I’ve found myself censoring myself more and more the last few months, to the point that I just don’t say anything at all.
Brands: I saw a big dustup over a Chapstick ad the other day. I had to do a double take. With too many things happening in the world and locally, I can hardly believe that we have to make an issue about a brand not being our best buddy and taking our authentic nastiness.
People need fodder for their social media marketing blogs, don’t they? It gets so tired after a while. Like I said in my post, I really don’t care – just don’t be stupid, that’s all.
As for censoring yourself – don’t let the simple minds beat you down. Lots of people want the social media space to be some sort of hippie community of peace and love. Wishing impossible things, I say…
Thanks for the comment 🙂
PS – Screw ’em.
I think the call for authenticity is more a warning for people or brands. If you portray your brand as customer focused but are actually dire, the social media world will find you out because those who really know/experience what you’re capable of can shout and share like never before. I think therefore for brands it’s more about ensuring you are /striving to be as good as your hype…ie making the real you closer to the social media you (not the other way on)..don’t bear your dirty soul (you’re right who wants to see that!) but if you’re a business, clean up your day to day act so that it matches the social media you (that way you will strangely enough be more authentic)
Companies that are as good as their hype usually stay in business for a long time; been that way long before social media showed up. I see no benefit in a brand “pretending” to be something they are not as ultimately your product/service will do all the talking.
As for authenticity in social media, I care very little who you are or are pretending to be as long I find you entertaining. Online relationships are rather fickle and lack any real foundation anyway, so I find myself rather indifferent to authenticity or transparency on social media platforms.
Just how I look at it.
Thank you for taking the time to comment and share. Hope to see you back here 🙂