One of the benefits of social media platforms is that it allows us to discover the over 100 million blogs in existence; blogs that we’d never have come across only a handful of years earlier. That’s the good news. That’s also the bad news because it seems that for every decent blog I come across, I also come across about 117 crappy ones. Recently, however, I stumbled upon a blog called This Is Your Captain Speaking. The blog’s author, Captain Smack (who is described as a “guy who drops acid, sees UFOs, and jerks off with toothpaste”), penned a number of wickedly funny posts on numerous different topics such as religion, serial killers, depression, toilet technology, and many others. The language is rather explicit as is the subject matter but the posts are hilarious, several of them brilliant (if you don’t mind hating yourself for finding something funny that you really shouldn’t be finding funny). It was, by far, the best blog I had ever read…but in 2009 it was mysteriously abandoned.
The blog launched in March of 2007 and in April of 2009, it suddenly stopped publishing new posts. I found this rather odd considering the success of the blog. Each post generated numerous comments (many over 100) and responses from Captain Smack himself. The very last post, Let’s Go Crazy, was among the best of the blog and left no hint that there would be no further posts. So what happened? Did Captain Smack suddenly die? Flee the country to avoid paying fines for unpaid parking tickets? Was he abducted by aliens, perhaps? Hard to imagine that with such a gift for creative writing, he would suddenly just give it up.
Upon further investigation, I realized that the blog kept no regular schedule. Some posts were published just a few days apart and other times, several weeks would separate posts. The posts also varied in length. Some were almost 5000 words long while others were under 1000. Lastly, I realized that the blog had no Retweet or Like buttons. Obviously, this was the time right before before facebook and twitter would go on to dominate the online social space. What really resonated with me, however, was the fact that despite the lack of what many people consider to be the two greatest platforms to generate traffic to one’s blog, an erratic blogging schedule, not to mention the varying lengths and subject matter of the posts, This Is Your Captain Speaking had a highly engaged and dedicated audience.
In an effort to uncover clues that might shed light on the Captain’s sudden disappearance, I started to investigate his blogroll as well as the profiles of those who commented on his blog. I soon started to feel like I had taken the red pill and jumped head-first down the rabbit hole. My search for truth led me to other blogs that were also fresh, witty, clever, original. Blogs that weren’t afraid to color outside the lines; that were personal; that weren’t about the same dang thing that I see clouding my twitter stream every day. Blogs that had a highly engaged audience; that didn’t obey the “rules”.
I suddenly realized that I had been living in a simulated blog universe without even knowing it: the “Blogging Matrix”.
What is the Blogging Matrix?
The Blogging Matrix is a system. A system of rules. What you should write, who you should write it for, how long you should write it, what words you should put in it, how frequently you should publish it, and how often you should share a link to it on your social networks. Rules. Rules that have killed creativity in favor of SEO. Rules that have made bloggers predictable – rushing to publish poorly written posts that capitalize on the “hot topics” of the day (remember all the Osama bin Laden posts? Oh, and how many lame Google+ posts have you come across lately?). Rules that have made new bloggers forget that when it comes to “writing”, there are no rules.
The Blogging Matrix is Everywhere
If I may paraphrase the words of Morpheus from the 1999 film “The Matrix”: “The [Blogging] Matrix is everywhere. It is all around us. Even now, in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window [facebook] or when you turn on your television [twitter]. You can feel it when you go to work… when you go to church… when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your [the blogger’s] eyes to blind you from the truth.”
We’ve become slaves; slaves to the system. And no, I’m not talking about those people who blog for their company. Those bloggers have a specific agenda and certain limitations when they “write” and that’s OK (and if you’re one of those people, please don’t tell me that you’re free to write about whatever you want to because I’m not gonna believe it). I’m talking about the person who decides they are going to start a blog to express themselves; to share their ideas, causes, passions and observations with the world. Until, of course, they happen to stumble upon a certain twitter chat with the topic “How to Monetize Your Blog” and suddenly they stop focusing on “why” they wanted to blog and start focusing on “how” they should blog. The system claims another victim.
Beware of the Gatekeepers
The system is our enemy. The system has made us slaves to banner ads, feedburner subscriptions, monetization, and golden calfs. The system has told us we must worship and pay tithes to so-called “A-List” bloggers and faux “thought leaders”, most of whom only recycle the ideas of the past century or befuddle us with multi-colored infographics. They are the “gatekeepers” of the system and will fight to protect it because their livelihood depends on it. Sooner or later, someone is going to have to fight them.
Neo: Why do my eyes hurt?
Morpheus: You’ve never used them before.
Free Your Mind
“I know you’re out there. I can feel you now. I know that you’re afraid… you’re afraid of us. You’re afraid of change. I don’t know the future. I didn’t come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell you how it’s going to begin.” ~Neo [from “The Matrix”]
Are you living in the Blogging Matrix? If so, then pop a red pill and join me on a journey to find Captain Smack in a world way down the rabbit hole where there are no rules.
The answer is out there…are you ready to take the red pill?
73 comments
Great post to read.
So have you taken your pill yet? I totally agree that people get so caught up in the system they get completely lost. I would love to know what other blogs you found that took the place of Captain Smack. Thanks for a great post. Miriam
I’m officially a “pill-popper” and I suggest everyone else do the same. “Writing” doesn’t have any rules and I learned that you can still have an engaged following even if you buck the so-called “system”.
Thanks for stopping by 🙂
@eugenemech:twitter I love you!
Your writing style if fresh, and the fact that I am reading this article at 5:36am after a great night out is even more fresh. Keep up the goodwork. Check out my fresh writing sociallyexposed.com
I kept finding myself nodding my head in agreement to what you were writing in this post. The profit motive certainly leads to stifling creativity which I’ve personally tried to find the balance to fix that dilemma.
As for the Social Media/Marketing Gurus, I consider them nothing more than white noise. Much like internet ads, you eventually have an almost subconscious awareness to tune them out or better yet if on Twitter, block them.
Thanks for introducing Captain Smack. I would never have stumbled upon the blog without your mention.
I may not alway agree with what you write, but I respect your viewpoints. Keep’em coming.
The problem is that the white noise that they create drowns out the much more creative (yet unknown) voices. Glad I was able to discover these other writers…
Thanks for stopping by – much appreciated.
PS – When am I gonna see some GH2 footage? You’ve only had the dang thing for more than a month…sheesh!
Now that you are free – what’s next? And feel free to stop by http://ajourneymanswayhome.blogspot.com/
Thank you, Mr. Perez.
Thank you for never publishing trite here – I never read your posts and go away dissatisfied.
Thank you for bringing The Captain to my attention – that’s a project for me now, to go through his blog.
Thank you for encouraging others to ignore the shit that’s being peddled by so-called trust agents and pixie dust lovers.
That is all. Carry on. 🙂
Always a pleasure to see you on my modest little blog, Mr. Brown. I’ll carry on now with a smile…
[…] via Captain Smack, Red Pills, Rabbit Holes, and the Blogging Matrix | South Florida Filmmaker. […]
Yeah, but how do I get more followers and monetize my blog in 5 easy steps? 😀
I hear the going rate is $47 for guru advice. 😉
This is mucho brilliante. Is that Spanish for really good? Or is that muy caliente? I dunno. Whatever, this is really good.
Bob, thanks for the comment & the share. Nice to see you here 🙂
WOW! This is my first time visiting your blog–the title of this post drew me to it. Off to RT, take a red pill and join you in the rabbit hole.
Can’t wait to find out what happened to Captain Smack. Aloha. Janet
I’ll hopefully be posting some sort of update when (or if) I ever find out what happened to the good captain. Glad you enjoyed your first time here – hope to see you again…
Ha, pretty funny! Want to see my influence infographic?
Is that a social media pick-up line?
Funny thing is, that line works 😉
Brilliant.
High praise. Gracias!
Brilliant.
Wow. First time I’ve visited, glad I did. Off to the rabbit hole I go.
You won’t be alone 🙂
You’re an anarchist, you’re trying bring down the matrix, Mr Anderson is watching you. I want a mauve pill with stripes and an elephant stamp. Wait. 🙂 I am making up new rules. Go on then give me a red pill. Broad quality in this post. Artists create. They have no rules. Until other people start following them and calling them rules. The only rule is understand the boundaries and limitations people are using to turn you into a slave think for yourself then break them.
The standard cliche but Great Post Mr Perez. And please visit my blog and sign up to my newsletter 🙂
Artists do create – so what do you call “blogging”? I’m starting to think it’s not an artform at all. This is not to say that I’m against using social media to get eyes to your blog but don’t believe the hype – you can still find an audience even if you break all the so-called “rules”.
Nice to see you here again, Mr. Anderson…er, uh, I mean Mr. Rose.
Yes. I hear you Dan definitely don’t believe the hype.
Anything that people enjoy creating is Art. For me this blog is art. It is well designed, interesting. You are a character and voice your opinions even though we don’t always agree I like it. Dissenting voices are important. We just all have different ways of doing it and some don’t do it at all that is the sad and important part of what you are saying for me too many Sheep not enough Shepherds. Really honestly it is just your opinion about rules that don’t apply to because your rebelling against the consensus. I don’t believe any type of hype except my own. And sometimes yours of course. Mr Perez and you can call me Lawrence lol. 🙂
I’m trying to free your mind, Neo. But I can only show you the door. You’re the one that has to walk through it.Morpheus
Blogging is an art – though like painting you can paint by number.
Love. It. Participating and creating online for the joy of it, being yourself and everyone else be damned — too bad it’s not the norm.
But what happened to Captain Smack?! Maybe he thought writing a post about going crazy and then disappearing from sight was too funny to resist?
Kelly,
When (if) I ever find Captain Smack, I’m sure he’s gonna need some good PR – I’ll def refer you 🙂
Nice to see you here – glad you enjoyed the post. Hug.
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!!!! I was feeling a bit guilty about all the advice I had not taken on my blog. Now I feel completely free of my guilt!! I just wish I could get a cool full length leather duster and sunglasses to go with my liberation!
Are you a writer or a blogger? That is the question. Writers write and bloggers blog. There is a difference. Now go…and sin no more 🙂
Dan,
Brilliant Post, and if any of you try the Toothpaste thing? Avoid mentholated flavors. One point of clarification? 🙂 “Rules that have killed creativity in favor of SEO”??? I write what I want, when I want to, and I wipe it’s ass with SEO, it’s toilet paper. It doesn’t drive the blog, it’s an excellent hygienic habit to get into once you’ve written your Captain Smack. I defy you to read http://Passionating.com and say otherwise… I’ll leave you this video to listen to while you’re reading: http://youtu.be/y-Ri0Tk8WQI– Josepf
That’s exactly how it should be. Does this mean you shouldn’t try to get as many people to your blog as possible to read your great (or crappy) post? Not at all. But I think I finally realized that great content will indeed find an audience if you use the tools available to get your work read.
Thanks for stopping by…
PS – My mind has been freed 🙂
Dan, This is a painfully true indictment of much of the blog world — and your description of Captain Smack’s posts as “wickedly funny” a masterful understatement. (Can’t remember when someone’s writing made me laugh so hard.) But I must know now — have you been able to find Captain Smack? If he is in jail again can we get him out?
Pat,
It’s the kind of “wickedly funny” that makes you hate yourself for laughing, yes? As for the Captain, I’m hoping someone who knows him will read this post and report on his whereabouts. I’ll keep you posted 🙂
Thanks for stopping by…
hi there. I remember Capt Smack. His real name is Philip and he’s a very talented musician as well as being a talented blogger. He lives in Tallahassee, Florida, or at least he did at the time of his blog. He’s a great guy, peaceful and loving and when there was trouble in blog-land, it affected his vibe and he left. He was gorgeous too. (for the ladies) and a real gentleman.
He wrote a fabulous song called “I Got High” which he wrote and produced and get this, played all of the instruments on it! I have a copy of it, if you want to email me at gmail (miss.smack) and I’ll share it.
I wish he still checked his email address but he doesn’t. I also entered his song into a competition and got an email inviting him further (just today!) which prompted me to search for him. This lead me here.
I contacted him originally claiming to be his long lost sister from Uncle Smack who was locked up for evil crime and we became friends after that – emailing and what not.
Hope this helps a little.
Cath
(miss.smack@gmail.com)
I’m glad you finally made it down the rabbit hole. We’ve been waiting for you.
I’ve been railing about “blogging rules” for at least ten years now, since they seem to have started to appear within a year or so of my launching Hidden City. Fortunately, with the exception of a couple of moments of weakness, I’ve just done my own thing, and let my audience rise and fall as it will.
I wasn’t aware there were “rules” when it came to “writing” (blogging is writing, right?) until I started spending time on the twitterverse. Write it, promote the heck out of it, and wait and see if anyone shows up. If it’s good, they’ll come.
Thanks for the comment 🙂
As always Dan, a good read. No really, a better homework assignment. Can’t NOT spend some time now running through the Smack the Captain penned. Thanks for doing the legwork, and let us know if he resurfaces. Maybe a certain Pug could turn bloodhound for a bit.
I will surely post an update should Captain Smack ever resurface. Sadly, I don’t think Buddy would be able to find his food bowl if I were to move it.
Thanks for taking the time to stop by. Punk.
I paid $32.67 for a XBOX 360 and my mom got a 17 inch Toshiba laptop for $94.83 being delivered to our house tomorrow by FedEX. I will never again pay expensive retail prices at stores. I even sold a 46 inch HDTV to my boss for $650 and it only cost me $52.78 to get. Here is the website we using to get all this stuff, LiveCent.com
Absolutely off to check out the captain now! Love the fact that there are no rules and we’ve just been bullshitting ourselves along blindly. Thanks for the reminder to ignore every rule except for the ones we choose for ourselves.
“Bullshitting ourselves along”? Some of us have – fortunately, not all of us (and certainly not you).
Thanks for stopping by. Punk.
Awesome post Dan … and you are spot on about the Matrix analogy – if you’re blog isn’t optimised, containing the right keywords and promoted extensively then dreams of traffic can be forgotten. But what sort of traffic are we generating? Are they loyal followers like exhibited by Captain Smack? Quite obviously earnt over time. Did you ever the outcome of the Captain?
Too many dang rules have been made up for bloggers. I’ve uncovered several blogs that buck the so-called rules in favor of originality. Thanks for the comment 🙂
PS – The search for Captain Smack continues – I’m hoping he turns up.
Well, I certainly can’t be accused of following the rules then. Thanks for this Dan!
Most certainly not 🙂 Nice to see you here…
1. a resounding “yes” to all of the above
2. sorry, i tend to write in numbered lists cus my mind is too cluttered for anything else
3. i absolutely hate blogs that are cluttered with ads and i can sniff out someone who’s trying to “be famous” a mile away. and it smells like shit. I refuse.
4. from someone who posts whenever i damn well feel like it (which is on avg. once/week), or more importantly, when I feel I actually have something worth while to say and have time to compose it in an interesting manner, and from someone who also has the most non-seo-friendly blog ever, I’m obviously on the bandwagon of quality over quantity.
5. furthermore, I find it annoying to keep up with blogs that post everyday. Unless they’re amazing and offering me useful information, but if you’re rambling on and on about your dogs potty training issues and your burnt toast just to post something, give me a break.
6. i don’t have a “successful” blog in the aspect that it pays for my life. but, for me, it was all about just chronicling my completely ridiculous and dramatic life cus i suck at writing journals and sometimes, I don’t even believe the things that happen to me. And along the way, I’ve met some awesome people and have a very loyal and engaged audience who extend beyond just blog comments. So, in that aspect I have had the most successful experience I could ever have hoped for. I hate when people try to write what they think people will want to read and I always tell them that is the worst idea ever.
Ok. sorry, I have to go write my post about the casey anthony verdict.
Brit,
It’s funny but I really felt trapped in blog hell for a while there with all the rules and stuff that I’ve seen. Tumbling down the rabbit hole (thanks, Captain Smack) and discovering fresh blogs (like yours) really shattered the notions that I’d been fed on what a blog “should” be.
Your loyal & engaged audience is proof that interesting, original, personal, & creative writing can be successful (whatever that means).
A pleasure to have you stop by – hope to see you back here again…
Dan, this is a great post and so true. You know, it’s real easy to fall into that mindset of writing what you “think” people want to read instead of what you want to say or express just for the hell of it. Not sure about you, but for me it’s something that I constantly struggle with… reminding myself why I began blogging to begin with. To have fun, write more, and just see what happened. Thanks again for another great reminder. I’m ready for my red pill!
Surprised to hear that considering the quality of your writing. You bring up a good point, it seems many people have forgotten why they started blogging in the first place and started thinking how they should blog. Let’s make sure we remind each other “why”, yes?
Thanks for the comment, hermano 🙂
Great article Dan! Def opened my eyes and am ready to jump down that rabbit hole with ya!
Am I gonna now have to write posts with sci-fi/horror themes to get you back here? Just curious 😉
Thanks.
Hey Dan,
Full disclosure: I have never seen any of The Matrix movies. If this is cause for permanent barring from your blog and permanent exile from said rabbit hole, so be it… 🙂
But on the off chance I am allowed to stay and play…
For me, I consider myself to be a writer and a blogger and dont really give a damn about any rules, regulations or commandments.
I have prided myself of being different for essentially my entire life, for coloring not only outside the lines but outside the damn coloring book… 🙂
However, in my current role professionally I try and keep the bulk of my posts on my company’s blog http://www.stargroup1.com/blog related to the marketing/advertising industry. Hey. its my job and I think I’m pretty damn good at it.
But I always infuse my personality, my conversational tone into every post.
Now on my personal blog http://www.thesteveozone.blogspot.com/ I am much more “wide open” if you will but I admit i dont post to that blog as much as I should because I can tell you there is ALWAYS something floating in my over-caffeinated head that I want to get off my chest.
I blog/I write because I like it. Period.
I mean I really like it… Is that so wrong? Please tell me its not wrong, Dan!!!
In all seriousness, something I try to be as little as I can (serious), this is one of those thought-provoking posts you speak of and I commend you for a continuing job well done.
You have a lot to say, you’re not afraid to say it and you’re damn good at getting your point across… 3 things I admire in anyone.
All the best my friend,
Steve O
Steve,
Thanks for the great comment. I hold no ill will against those people who blog for a company or industry (I follow several filmmaking blogs and I want to read filmmaking stuff – not how they feel about the NY Yankees). That’s totally cool with me as long as it appears the blogger has made some sort of attempt to be fresh.
Like you, I’ve realized that I do indeed enjoy writing (creating). I’ve actually been considering starting a separate personal blog to post some of my more explicit rants and opinions (if you can believe that!). I’ll keep you posted…
Thanks for stopping by again – much appreciated.
PS – you haven’t seen “The Matrix”? Come on…
Nailed! Every day there are two pills in front of us, whether we are reading the thoughts of another or taking the risk of putting our own thoughts to picture and word. And yet we rarely (never) realize they are there. We have forgotten how to make a choice (or take the chance). Thanks to the almighty Spotify, two thoughts are buzzing in the brain right now…
1) We all make choices about what we write about, or how we say it. Yet we often make those choices without really making a conscious choice “If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice.”
and
2) Time to reconsider that jagged little (red) pill & open those eyes, lest you have eyes wide shut “Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run, there’s still time to change the road you’re on.”
Great post, my friend – Fred
Fred,
It’s never too late, yes? One thing I was happy to realize were all the other blogs I came across via Captain Smack. I’ve started to share several of these posts on twitter/facebook already. It’s given me hope that maybe…just maybe, the world isn’t gonna end in 2012 after all.
Bro-hug.
Dan – Will I sound arrogant and boastful if I tell you that I consider it almost a badge of honor that I blog without worry about SEO or keywords? Nearly two years into blogging, and it’s still for fun. I love when I see blogs that just grow because of the content: It might not make you laugh. It might make you weepy.
It’s like as if some people think that you can’t create a great blog on the basis of just writing, writing, writing: I feel a little sorry for anyone who really thinks that way.
At this point, with 54 comments above this one, everyone has said everything, and I am sounding repetitive. Your rabbit hole is getting super crowded!! I’ll squeeze down the hole, with my Frappuccino in hand …
Melody,
I’ll admit that maybe, just maybe, I also felt that way a little (just a little). But Captain Smack led me to a place where people just “wrote”; and it was fresh and different and personal AND there was an engaged audience. That made me happy 🙂
Glad I’m not alone down the rabbit hole – got a spare Frappuccino?
Why, Mr. Anderson, why, why do you persist?
Hi Dan,
First time reader, first time commenter! Happy to have been referred this by MD Robertson.
A lot of bloggers/people have confused the red pill with an enema pill, and thus continue to produce shit in large amounts.
I enjoyed this post, thank you for writing it.
But what happened to Captain Smack?!?
You know… I am pretty sure those red pills got swapped out with green ones with GRD on them… There are too many good bloggers that get sucked into the money pit and just go after perceived easy routes to money and fame.
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[…] Captain Smack, Red Pills, Rabbit Holes, and the Blogging Matrix – I have some smart friends and love whenever I read a post from one of them that reminds me of it. This post from Dan Perez was the best one that I read all week. Not only does it take a look at blogging in general, but also the near cultish way many of us approach social media similar to the Matrix, and if you only read one article in this week’s edition make this one it. […]
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Oh my god, YES!!!! This is what friends and I have been talking about! It used to be deigned by passion and deep thoughts, and now it’s all editorial calendars and key words. I never wanted to be a blogger. I WANT to be a writer!
Also, thank you for the intro to Capt. Smack. Oh Captain, my captain.
I think Robin Williams coined that phrase, right? 😉
Always nice to see a real writer on my stupid blog. What’s up with all the “rules”? If you don’t “have to” blog then why not make it fun? No?
Thanks for stopping by 🙂
PS – I think it might have been Spock in Star Trek.
[…] we talking about Pinterest? Or is it the Matrix. Yes, we are, Neo. […]
[…] comments on their site) that you're wise to their tired game, then pop a red pill and journey down the rabbit hole to discover new and exciting bloggers (and even more bloggers!) who can actually write a creative […]