OK, I have a confession. I’ve been a bad doggy owner. When I first got my pug Buddy almost four years ago (as a Christmas gift for my daughter), I was informed by a friend of a friend of the original owner that Buddy had gotten all his vaccination shots. I told the friend of a friend of Buddy’s original owner to get me a copy of the form so if the Doggy Police ever showed up at my door threatening to pee on my leg unless I produce a record of Buddy’s vaccination history, I’d be straight. Â The friend of a friend of Buddy’s original owner said, “No problem. I got this.” Cool.
I see the friend of a friend of Buddy’s original owner a week later and ask him if he was able to get the forms. “Not yet but don’t worry, I got this.” Cool. Same thing happens a week later. “Not yet but I got this.” OK, not so cool. Let me just make a long story short. I forget all about the friend of a friend of Buddy’s original owner and when I finally see him again several months later, he tells me Buddy’s original owner has moved to North Carolina. No vaccination papers? No problem. Why would anyone lie about that? Buddy’s good.
Almost four years later and we suddenly realize that we’ve never taken Buddy for a check-up. No shots. Nothing. Moreover, we really don’t know if Buddy ever got his shots in the first place. But Buddy’s been as healthy as a dog can be (with the exception of a three day run of diarrhea after he decided to snack on the toxic fibers of a floor mat and the time he started violently frothing at the mouth after accidentally swallowing one of my wife’s Prednisone pills). But we decided it was finally time to take him in for a checkup.
So we all hop in the car and drive over to Banfield Pet Hospital in our local PetSmart…
Ready to roll.
Ah, nothing like my doggy hairs blowing in the wind.
Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Uh-oh, we’re here.
If you gotta go see the doctor to get shots, always bring somebody along who’ll  feel sorry for you afterwards (gets you extra treats!)
Alright, let’s just get this over with.
The Pawn
We’re directed to the doctor’s office and a few minutes later, a young man wearing scrubs walks in. He asks us why we’re here and we tell him Buddy’s story (or lack thereof). He quickly pulls out a trifold pamphlet, opens it up in front of us and asks us to select one of the three Optimum Wellness Plans for Buddy. The choices are a $311.40, $419.40, or $515.40 plan (with convenient monthly payments) plus a one-time membership fee of $69.95(!)Â I ask the guy, “What ever happened to just getting a dang rabies shot?”
He tells me that because we’re not sure if Buddy ever got his shots that he’s gonna need more than just a rabies shot; he’s gonna need several booster vaccinations. “Booster vaccinations?” Yeah, booster vaccinations (which he explains are additional doses after the initial dose). He assures me this would ensure effective vaccination. “But what ever happened to just getting a dang rabies shot?”
Scare Tactics
He gives us a few minutes to think about it and walks out of the office. A few minutes later, he comes back with the veterinarian; a young blond-haired woman with a pleasant smile and a friendly Southern accent. After introducing herself, her smile suddenly disappears and she begins to describe to us all the horrible diseases that dogs are at risk for. She then warns us of the unbearable suffering that Buddy would undergo were he to be afflicted with any of the aforementioned diseases and the costly treatments that would have to be administered to save Buddy from an agonizing death. She then lists all the horrible diseases that can be transferred to Buddy from mosquitoes, rabbits, squirrels (and other rodents), contaminated water, birds, cats, reptiles, and even other dogs  (along with the unbearable suffering, costly treatments and/or agonizing death that might ensue).
Finally, she lists all the horrible afflictions that Buddy, if infected, could (gasp!) pass on to us: diarrhea, fever, stomach pain, rabies, lyme disease, uncontrollable barking, kidney failure (Lions, and tigers, and bears! Oh, my!). After a dramatic pause, her smile returns and she asks which of the three plans I’d be interested in so that they can proceed with Buddy’s care and avoid all the unnecessary suffering, costly treatments, and/or agonizing deaths that could possibly befall us all. I see right through her scare tactics, “Well, thank you for trying to scare the living heartworm out of us AND for making us realize how much it sucks to be a dog AND how hazardous it is to own a dog; but what ever happened to just getting a dang rabies shot?”
The Kid Gloves Come Off
The veterinarian looks right at me for about five seconds without saying a word. She then looks at my daughter who’s sitting down holding Buddy’s leash. She then looks back at me, her smile no longer visible. She pauses for another five seconds before asking the question she knows is gonna screw me, “Mr. Perez, don’t you love your dog?” My daughter looks up at me, her eyes eager for an answer. I resist the urge to explain to the veterinarian that I like Buddy (a lot) and if he were to get sick, suffer, and die an agonizing death it would really bother me (a lot) but that I wasn’t expecting to pay $311.40, $419.40, or $515.40 plus a one-time membership fee of $69.95Â for him to get his dang shots!
I look over at my daughter who’s still looking up at me. I remember holding her on the day she was born. I remember her looking up at me with her crusty eyes. I swore I’d be able to pick her out from among a thousand other babies; that’s how beautiful she was. She’s looking up at me again now. She doesn’t say a word but her eyes do all the talking for her, “You do love Buddy, don’t you dad?” I turn to the crafty veterinarian and with a voice barely above a whisper, I reply, “OK, I’ll take the $300 package.”
I look back at my daughter and she’s smiling that beautiful smile of hers. Her daddy has a heart after all. I look back at the veterinarian, the smile has returned to her face. My shoulders slump. I feel like I just got sold a pair of skinny jeans by a shrewd JC Penny salesperson (“Your wife is gonna love you in these!”). Well played, young blond-haired veterinarian with the friendly Southern accent. Well played.
I’m quite the specimen, aren’t I?
When one person sticks a couple of needles in your ass while another person has you in a headlock, it’s not a good day.
Yeah, my ass is hurting.
Smell ya later. I’m out.
I wonder how many treats I’ll get when I get home…
There’s no place like home.
Now, about those treats…
Little Girls Own Their Dads
In the end, I’m glad we finally got Buddy his vaccinations (though, after almost four years of good health, I get the feeling that now his hair will start turning purple and he’ll start growing a fifth leg). After all, he is part of the family now. He don’t do a hell of a lot besides lie on his doggy bed all day and it takes him about half a mile of walking before he can find a spot suitable to poop on and he still pees on his leg every now and then but he’s my little girl’s dog. She loves her Buddy and Buddy loves anyone who rubs his tummy and feeds him doggy treats.
Ultimately, it all came down to one simple fact. A fact that the blond-haired veterinarian with the friendly Southern accent knew very well. Daddys love their little girls. And that’s certainly worth $311.40 plus the one-time membership fee of $69.95.
Right?
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31 comments
Nooo! I was totally hoping you’d stay strong and at least take Buddy to an independent vet who would just give him the dang shot. Although I suppose there are worse things your daughter could ask for than for you to love the family dog. 😉
Katie, more and more people have told me I should have gone to an independent vet. Dang! Lesson learned for next time. There are, indeed, worse things.
Nice to see you here 🙂
Oh hell. Been there, done that, and now I have no money left over for the stupid t-shirt. It’s such a racket. But I guess those poor vets have huge school debts that have to be paid somehow.Â
You’re a good daddy. You realize that you bought a lot more than vaccinations for your doggy. You bought the trust of your daughter and that’s worth a whole lot more than $380 plus change.
After an expensive lesson, I have learned that the vets at those chain stores are the worst. I always see an independent vet now.
You’d think I would have asked one of the many dog-owning friends I have first, wouldn’t you? Guess I learned the hard way but my daughter is finally convinced I don’t want to see Buddy die an agonizing death. That’s a good thing 🙂
I am glad Buddy is okay but go to an independant vet. WHen I lived in South Florida we had the best one. His name was Dr. James Spagnola. So good to this day I remember his name. And independent vet will not charge a membership fee!
Gonna go indie next time or I’m gonna give myself a chancletazo!
Oh, Man, Dan! It’s a doggie’s life.  I hope Buddy got LOTS of treats for the ordeal.Sure I wish like @45a0e83897288fa7ebddc85bad771ba0:disqus  you’d walked out on that scam deal and headed for an independent vet whose first business is animal care and where customer retention (the business of business) is assured by delivering the first priority. Bottom line for the Perez clan, Buddy has his shots – he knows he is loved, and Dad made good with his girl – not a bad record, I’d say. (How about you, did you get treats?) Â
Lesson learned for next year. But I did look like a saint to my daughter (she sometimes thinks I hate Buddy) – not a bad day 🙂
Wow that is quite a story! I’m amazed that the veterinarian didn’t start offering a loyalty rewards card too – get cash back on your second or third doggy. But the pictures are wonderful, and buddy IS cute and photogenic, and brings you guys lots of joy, so all is well that ends well! I would have, however, run and gotten a second opinion! I’d probably be suspicious of the southern accent. 🙂
They should have thrown in a pedicure now that I think of it (Lord knows I could use one!). Next year I won’t be taken for the same ride…promise.
Thanks for taking the time to stop by…
It is a great story. I have a sweet little 6 year old girl (and two equally awesome little boys), so I can relate in a way. I was preemptive by always explaining to them, when they want a dog, that a good dog obeys and is a wonderful friend … but a great dog is seared with butter and garlic. OK … don’t let the pug read this. They are “practically human”, after all. 😀
Or some good German mustard 🙂
I can’t believe Obamacare doesn’t cover this somehow … it’s for the future of the species! o_O
hmmm. Â maybe I won’t tell you about the time we rescued a stray cat, took her in for shots & to get neutered. and they had her all ready to go and shaved before they realized that … some previous owner had already taken care of that. Â This was NYC, and we were out about $500.
Ouch! What’s the ROI on pets anyway? Especially lazy pugs who nap most of the day? Can someone please tell me? Need to write a blog post on that 🙂
Maggie, I met you too late. Had I connected with you just a week prior I would have asked you about seeing a vet. Hopefully, Buddy doesn’t start getting dizzy spells or thoughts of suicide due to the medications.Â
Thanks for taking the time to stop by 🙂
Your first mistake was taking your daughter with you. That vet was crafty. But, as a multiple pet owner myself, I do think you really needed to get the shots. Although, you did get played. I just can’t get over the fact that you’ve only spent a little over 300 bucks so far on a dog you’ve had for four years. I completely do not feel sorry for you.
Now go buy some heartworm pills for that dog! And, don’t take your daughter with you.
I certainly got played (thanks for the reminder). I guess $300 isn’t a heck of a lot as dogs go. Funny thing is, while I was in Spain visiting my family this past summer, many of my uncles have dogs (usually chained up outside or locked up with other dogs in a shed) and they say they give a rabies shot to the dogs every year and they feed the dogs whatever is not eaten at home AND many of these dogs are walking around with grey hairs(!) having lived a long doggy life. They would have laughed their asses off if they were asked to pay $300 for shots 🙂
Always nice to see a “real” writer at my blog – thanks for stopping by…
I feel for you on this one, but since I’m going through dealing with terminal cancer with the older and uninsured dog I’ll tell you those prices might not be too bad depending on what they cover. One round of chemo therapy drugs, which make her too sick to continue, was $500 for 50 doses… The younger dog has insurance and any future pets will also get covered.Â
Caving in was probably the right thing to do for both Buddy and your daughter but ask around and you’ll probably be able to find better care in a less corporate environment. I’d be in an even bigger world of hurt with this cancer adventure without a GREAT independent vet.
Sorry to hear about your dog, Rick. Here hoping everything works out with his treatment. I hope I never have to go through that with Buddy. Didn’t even know there was such a thing as health insurance for dogs (dang!).
Going to do the independent vet thing next year 🙂
What do you get for your $69 membership fee?
Membership? 🙂
First, ALWAYS get the shots. Always, as they can’t make those decisons for themselves, despite what Buddy might tell you (and he would like a permanant vet.) Sorry. I love my animals more than I like most people.
Second, your daughter has a good heart–and now you ensured Buddy will, too. I’ve had too many emergency/old pet expenses to count, but they’re family. 🙂 In the big picture, $300 is a drop in the bucket and a small price to pay. At least your daughter wasn’t asking for a new car…yet 😉
Abby,
Guess I’m lucky to have just spent $300+ on Buddy’s healthcare over the past 4 years. I’m planning to spend about the same on my daughter’s 1st car 🙂
Nice to see you here again…
Dan while I can certainly understand your pain i am glad Buddy is ok his updates are a highlight for me and I would miss them terribly. I am glad no one was around as I chuckled through the article. Hope Buddy’s backside is better.
um. srsly. i hate petland. and i don’t even have pets anymore.
animal health care is becoming more ridic than our own healthcare. where is the obamapetcare? hmmmmm?
Pet health care is very expensive. I’m just thankful for Care Credit (I think…). Our pug Murphie hasn’t had too many serious problems but we’re fostering an older pug right now that has a ton of problems. It’s definitely better to do the preventative stuff, but the price definitely sucks. I’m glad Buddy is still doing well 🙂
Quincy, I guess even healthcare for dogs can be expensive in this country, yes? Glad we took care of Buddy though I was a bit nervous that he’d start having health problems the very next day 🙂
Nice to see you here…
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